Title: "Shopping Cart Covers Are Not Just For Germaphobes" or "Why I Can't Drink Starbuck's Frappaccino For A While"

Yes, this stuff: And by "shopping cart cover", i mean this thing:
We went to Sam's Club, our fun monthly bulk-shopping that we so enjoy because somehow buying a giant box of rice or 10 cans of soup makes you feel rich and powerful. We grab a cart, and as Bob negotiates Maddie's shoes the the leg holes of the shopping cart cover - the one that I think we don't need anymore because she's getting towards 2 and we're not germaphobes anymore - I notice a large piece of broken glass in the basket of the cart. Disgusted, I throw it out of the cart, and I half-notice a broken Starbuck's Frappacino bottle on the ground next to the cart return. I don't think much of the bottle, because right then I get wolluped in the face by an foul odor. ("Even Stink would say that stinks!")
"Nice. Let's get another cart, " I say. Bob says he smelled it when he got out of the car and he thinks it's garbage water, not the cart, so we should just hurry inside to escape it. Ok, I'm all for no more stink. As we walk inside, we notice the smell is getting worse. "It smells more like somebody threw up, now." Bob says. EW.
We get inside and I notice a wet spot on Maddie's shirt. OH! She must have thrown up! Now I get it. A former refluxer, she still throws up every once in a great while for no reason, and walks away, usually without so much as an "uh-oh". So I of course torture the poor child, now on her 2nd store stop, by wiping her pants, shirt, arms, legs, face, (and hair) with Wet Ones. Ah, throw-up, bye-bye.
Something still stinks. Ok, Maddie, have some water. Still stinks. Have some goldfish, stinky-breath!
It's not so bad once we're shopping, but every time we get walking I notice I smell it again. "It's smelling more like spoiled milk." I say. EW! Did I give Maddie milk that was too old for breakfast? Trying to remember if I'd so much as sniffed the gallon before pouring it in her cup, I search again for throw-up all over my kid, this time thinking it would be resembling spoiled milk. And I'm expecting a call from DYFS on my cell. Nothing, but boy does it smell like something.
In the bakery section I re-torture my poor child with another Wet One. Poor kid. We've been shopping for maybe a half-hour. Then Bob puts dog food in the bottom of the cart and when I look down I (just then!) notice that the cart is very stained and splattered. With something murky-brown. I notice it's on the cart basket, handle, underneath all our stuff, my purse, etc. Lovely...
EW. I think of the one piece of broken glass in our cart, and the broken Frappaccino bottle in the hot parking lot. And it all comes together, and I about puke. EWWWWWWW! There's spoiled, rotting god-knows-how-old Starbucks Frappaccino (mocca flavor, I believe) all over our cart!
We quickly finished shopping, checked out, and put Maddie in the car. (With another once-over with the Wet Ones, because come on, now I'm just skeeved beyond belief. You should have smelled this, the smell itself was diseased.) Then we wiped down every item in our cart with wipes, because that smell was NOT coming into our car, thankyouverymuch! We undoubtedly got some looks; "what kind of clean-crazed freaks wipe down all their groceries with antibacterial wipes?". Side note: I have to say, I'm not a big fan of these wipes. I give the counters a once-over with them every night at home, and that's it. We use with the students at school constantly, but those little germ factories need to stop making me sick. I'm very cool with a decent amount of germs in my house, everybody needs antibodies. No, this is not just my excuse not to clean, but I digress. We were, again, NOT taking that odor home with us. So we scrubbed brown shmutz off our Sam's purchases and belongings, gagging from the smell of spoiled milk mixed with rancid coffee.
So I believe that little (STINKY) episode just talked me into using the shopping cart cover for a few more months, big girl or not. Cause...EW.
Oh, and I used to loooove that Frappaccino stuff. Used to.